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Thursday, May 18, 2006

"Did Albert ever discuss his political convictions with you?""Albert don't have no political convictions. He's an American!"

I know I've gotten a bid political lately, but I just want you all to know that I dont favor either side in America (Dems or Repubs), I just like when people poke fun at both sides. I'm an equal-opportunity practitioner of political humor.


In the news...(jokes)

Dick Cheney’s approval rating is 18%. That’s slightly higher than Osama bin Laden and a little lower than Mad Cow disease. Imagine how low it would be if he hadn’t shot a lawyer? Rumor has it Cheney is so desperate to get his approval rating up he is thinking about shooting an IRS agent next. (Alex Kaseberg)

Newsweek reported Friday that advertisers will spend a half billion dollars on the NCAA tournament. It's a competitive market. According to polls, basketball is America's second favorite indoor sport, but the other one has more spectators on the Internet. (Argus Hamilton)

President George W. Bush announced today that he would no longer preside over so-called town hall meetings across the United States and that those duties would now be outsourced to a "presidential customer service representative" stationed in Bangalore, India. (Andy Borowitz)

President Bush angrily responded to questions during Tuesday's news conference about whether he wanted to go to war. He insisted we didn't go into Iraq because he wanted war; we went into Iraq because he wanted to get re-elected. (Jake Novak)

President Bush said today that his plan to fight terrorism is simple and straightforward; go after the evil doers, track them down, find them where they're hiding, and sell them our ports. (Jay Leno)

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor George W. Bush and Dick Chaney. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Alabama this year. (Author Unknown)

Condi Rice flew to the Bahamas Wednesday where she was besieged by questions about her interest in the NFL Commissioner's job. She could use her experience to help bring a team to Los Angeles. She gets along great with the president of Mexico. (Argus Hamilton)

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said that his department would beef up security at the nation's chemical plants by compiling a complete list of plants that are vulnerable to attack and publishing them online. (Andy Borowitz)

Montana law students are seeking pardons for World War I seditionists. Those are people who were jailed for criticizing the government. Today those people are called "Democrats." (Jake Barach)

Quote is from D.C. Cab(1983)
The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
– Abraham Lincoln


At 12:45 AM, May 20, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some of these are so dead on accurate its scary- particularly the one about publishing all the vulneralble chemical plants- Lots of laughs!

At 11:57 PM, May 20, 2006, Blogger Jerusalemcop said...

yep, i love these kinda jokes because they are so true. I watch shows like Leno and Letterman just for the opening monologues, I dont even bother watching the guests.


At 12:57 PM, May 21, 2006, Blogger jim said...

who needs the guests? nice to meet you, at last, some humor with class. LOL, that was great, every one of them terrific. I'll be back, just looking at your post list is knockin' me down. Thanks.

At 1:03 PM, May 21, 2006, Blogger Jerusalemcop said...

welcome Jim,

thanks for stopping by.

glad you enjoy the humor. me too thats why i posted it :)



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