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Friday, March 31, 2006

"It's like my ex-wife. 21 different personalities and 7 of them hated me."

I have always tried to keep this blog non-personal. I may have told a few stories about my life or some minor details, but (as they say):


AS those of you who know me personally probably already know, my wife of two years and I are in the process of getting divorced. Yesterday, she crossed a line that it would be an understatement to say was way too far.

She called the police on me!!!

Now this may sound harsher than it really was, but I first need to give a tiny bit of background information.

For the last two weeks I have not been living at home and have visited as often as possible in order to spend some quality time with our 7 month old son. Sometimes they were home, and sometimes they were not (eventhough it can be debated as to whether she said she's be there or not...whatever)

At our final joint meeting with the therapist last Sunday, my (soon to be) ex declared to the surprise of both me and the therapist that will will not allow me to be alone with our son and will refuse to allow me to take him to the park or (god-forbid) to see his grandparents. The therapist told her that she was skating on thin ice to declare something like that and she should be careful since the best way to do this is amicably (sp???).

I showed up yesterday morning when I knew she would be home in order to see J-cop Jr. He seemed quite pleased to see me (he didn't seem angry at me, so she hasnt instilled that in him yet) and we played together for about 20 min. I then declared that since it's such a beautiful day outisde, I'd like to take him for a walk around the block in his stroller. She started ranting and raving, screaming at me that she wont allow it and will do whatever she can to stop me. I calmly told her that I'm only taking him for a walk around the block and we'll be back in 20 minutes or so. She quickly jumped up, locked and barricated the door and stood in front of it adamently telling me that she will not allow this.

As a side note: I had consulted with my lawyer beforehand and he told me that she has no right to make demands about me only being with him under her supervision. I did not do this maliciously, I just wanted to take him out for a walk, (no evil intentions.)

She made a phone call (I assume to her lawyer, but don't know for sure) and left a message. She then told me that if I try and leave she would call the police which she then did. She trold the dispatcher that I left home two weeks ago and have come back to forcefully take my son. This obviously was not true, but I had no way to get the truth across. She then called her parents (her security blanket) and told them that I was trying to kidnap J-cop Jr. but was stopped by her calling of the police.

Being a former cop and knowing the law, I knew I couldn't leave at that time, so I sat back down, J-cop Jr. in arm and waited. Ten minutes later, the phone rang and STBex answered. she spoke for a minute and then handed me the phone. The cop introduced himself and I then informed him that I am a former cop and know that I'm allowed to do this. He asked me a few questions about the situation (have we filed, are there any injuctions against me, etc.) No to all of them. He told me (which I already knew) that the police can't get involved in these situations, but he suggests I do the smart thing instead of the legal thing and not piss her off at this stage. Having been on the other end of these kinda situations, I knew he was right and besides J-cop Jr. had already fallen asleep in my arms. He wished me well and hung up.

I then placed J-cop Jr. in his crib to nap and then left.

She is not making this easy on any of us. Hopefully, the fact that she finally gave me her lawyer's name and number last night means that they have decided to not make this too ugly. (I'm probably deluded myself into thinking this, but I've always been and always will be an optimist)

Guess, we'll find out after my lawyer talks to hers on Sunday.

On that note,

Shabbat shalom


The possibility that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
– Abraham Lincoln


At 1:06 PM, March 31, 2006, Anonymous An Anonymous Friend (really!) said...

"She is not making this easy on any of us. Hopefully, the fact that she finally gave me her lawyer's name and number last night means that they have decided to not make this too ugly."

You are seriously kidding yourself.

Do you really want to be putting such personal information on the web?

At 7:10 PM, March 31, 2006, Blogger StepIma said...

I'm so sorry she's putting you through this. You need to tell her that no matter how much she's hurting you, her actions are hurting your son more. That you're not going to give up seeing him. And no court will take away that right from you.

There's a great book called Divorce Poison by Richard A. Warshak -- about how divorced (generally custodial) parents can try to alienate parents from their children and tips on how to stop it. It's worth checking out.

Also, I'd second the first commenter's opinion about putting information like this out on the web. Aside from the privacy and lashon hara issues (if that's something you care about), any information you make public could be used as evidence against you in a custody case, should things get uglier.

At 11:08 PM, March 31, 2006, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. She sounds completely unreasonable.

At 3:14 PM, April 02, 2006, Blogger Elliott Cahan said...

I don't know if there is a correct answer on whether to blog about this subject or not. Part of having a blog is the ability to discuss issues that you might not be able to else where and can do so in relative obscurity. If you do choice to write about this, I would use some caution in the quotes that you use (which might be considered inflammatory). The bottom line is that it is sad that things do not seem to be working out. Divorce is certainly not good for your child. However, staying in a loveless marriage is not a good thing either. I hope and pray that no matter what, everything will be for the best and that you both will be able to try to do what is best to try raise your child properly.

At 5:49 PM, April 03, 2006, Blogger tafka PP said...

Hope your situation improves sooner rather than later.

At 8:06 PM, April 04, 2006, Blogger Elie said...

So sorry you are going through this awful divorce. Hope things become, if not amicable, at least more reasonable.

On another note, as someone who posts non-anon, I would caution you to think many times before posting anything that could be used against you - or hurt your son some day.


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