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Sunday, October 29, 2006

"Ah, Bialystock and Bloom, I presume! Heh heh, forgive the pun!"

Got this list of puns by email.
-J


A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD


A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.


Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Quote from The Producers (1968)

------------------------------------------------
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security,
deserve neither liberty or security"

– Benjamin Franklin

49 Comments:

At 5:16 PM, November 07, 2006, Blogger Lady-Light said...

hahah, pretty good stuff. but if you want to read really good stuff, read my punny post which I will presently put up pretty promptly. promise.

 
At 7:51 PM, December 23, 2006, Blogger Daniel said...

Shalom javer.

I am the publisher of Herut, blog in spanish. I invite you to visit Herut and to leaving your commentaries. Excuse me, but my English is very bad. The direction is:

www.herutx.blogspot.com

 
At 3:04 AM, January 08, 2007, Blogger Kit B. said...

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

That sleighed me ;)

I couldn't resist!

 
At 12:46 AM, January 16, 2007, Blogger Jack Steiner said...

Yoohoo!

 
At 7:22 AM, April 12, 2007, Blogger Lady-Light said...

JCop: Am I missing something? -Yes, your blog! Where are you? (should I be worried?)

 
At 1:10 PM, April 15, 2007, Blogger goyisherebbe said...

A Freudian slip is part or your mother's lingerie.

 
At 8:19 PM, April 26, 2007, Blogger Сергей said...

Hi

Please consider writing news pieces or an op-ed for Jewrusalem: Israeli Uncensored News. We strive to present different views and opinions while rejecting political correctness. Ideally, we try to make the news "smart and funny." Thus, your input is very welcome.

Best,
Alex
www.jewrusalem.net/en

 
At 6:17 AM, April 29, 2007, Blogger Jack Steiner said...

Yoohoo.

 
At 8:15 PM, July 18, 2007, Blogger Lady-Light said...

Now, I'm worried. Where are you? Is everything ok?
Email me.

 
At 6:21 AM, September 28, 2008, Blogger Rebecca said...

USFINE.COM is well known for runescape gold and runescape gold service.

 
At 5:34 PM, January 30, 2010, Blogger 紅包 said...

路過看看哦,請加油........................................

 
At 8:08 AM, February 24, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 2:49 PM, April 23, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

天下沒有走不通的路,沒有克服不了的困難,沒有打不敗的敵人。 ..................................................

 
At 6:05 AM, April 30, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

從人生中拿走友誼,猶如從生活中移走陽光........................................

 
At 8:31 AM, May 05, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

用行動來支持你~~~不留言不行!.........................

 
At 6:50 AM, May 10, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

人生是經驗的累積。不論遭遇任何不幸,都應該堅忍不屈,繼續努力向前邁進 ..................................................

 
At 9:20 AM, May 19, 2010, Blogger 郁財郁財 said...

無一事而不學,無一時而不學,無一處而不學。.............................................

 
At 5:25 PM, May 28, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。.........................

 
At 12:05 AM, June 04, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

人生最大的榮耀,不是永遠不敗,而是屢仆屢戰..................................................

 
At 10:51 AM, June 07, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

人生最大的榮耀,不是永遠不敗,而是屢仆屢戰..................................................

 
At 10:07 AM, June 14, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人 ............................................................

 
At 8:49 AM, June 18, 2010, Blogger 志城志城 said...

No pains, no gains...................................................................

 
At 5:28 AM, June 23, 2010, Blogger 智宜 said...

If the quantity is not a lot, I will hand carry..................................................

 
At 10:26 PM, June 26, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。....................................................................

 
At 6:11 AM, June 30, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poverty is stranger to industry.................................................................

 
At 5:13 PM, July 03, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

人不能像動物一樣活著,而應該追求知識和美德............................................................

 
At 2:26 AM, July 08, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It takes all kinds to make a world.............................................................

 
At 7:57 AM, July 10, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No garden without its weeds.............................................................

 
At 7:54 AM, July 12, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

當你真心渴望某一樣東西,整個宇宙都會聯合起來幫助你。..................................................

 
At 12:00 PM, July 14, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 3:42 AM, July 17, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 11:23 AM, July 19, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

來替你打氣,加油A_A............................................................

 
At 4:25 AM, July 22, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

人生像一杯茶,若一飲而盡,會提早見到杯底..................................................

 
At 8:10 PM, July 24, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

厚 !!!等了好久的更新~~一定要支持的啦(ΘωΘ)............................................................

 
At 12:26 PM, July 27, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

唯有用熱情、用智慧去觀察事物,這事物才會把他的秘密,洩漏給我們............................................................

 
At 11:58 AM, July 30, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

人們不缺少力量,他們缺少意志。..................................................

 
At 6:45 PM, August 02, 2010, Blogger 李家黃喬盈榮 said...

愛,拆開來是心和受兩個字。用心去接受對方的一切,用心去愛對方的所有。......................................................................

 
At 3:09 PM, August 05, 2010, Blogger 家唐銘 said...

時間就是塑造生命的材料。

 
At 10:02 AM, August 08, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

友誼能增進快樂,減少痛苦............................................................

 
At 3:45 AM, August 11, 2010, Blogger 雅王任 said...

朋友是一面鏡子......................................................................

 
At 10:39 AM, August 13, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

More haste, less speed..................................................................

 
At 11:02 AM, August 15, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

及時行樂-快樂不需要理由............................................................

 
At 4:00 PM, August 17, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

從人生中拿走友誼,猶如從生活中移走陽光......................................................................

 
At 3:18 AM, August 20, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

寂寞又無聊 看到你的BLOG 加油喔!!..................................................

 
At 12:55 PM, August 22, 2010, Anonymous Anonymous said...

在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」..................................................

 

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